English Language Examiner Hall of Fame

I recently stumbled across this, and couldn’t resist sharing.

I present for your viewing amusement, a collated version of all the unintentional errors students made when writing exam answers two years ago. Noting them down from the 674 scripts I marked was the only thing that kept me sane. I should add all of these are wonderfully endearing slips, and I’m not sneering in the slightest – more fascinated by the images that are conjured up!

Task 1 – The review.

This book features Catniss Aberdeen and will blow you away, literally blow you away.
The contestants fight in the 74th anal Hunger Games, but after a while I resented Catniss for her ‘Woah is me’ attitude. The book should win noble prizes.

man-blown-away-wind

Moving on, the television has some great series out there, none more so than Game of Thrones. Why should you watch it? Frankly boys, there are lots of naked women.
On average, there are around 4.5 boobs per episode.
Also many of humanities most powerful people could die at any minute.

Frozen is out on DVD soon and I was pleasantly surprised as I was expecting some Princess meets Prince dribble. Everyone loves a Disney Ron-Con don’t they?

And remember all you examiners out there, we don’t want to read about rabbits and alfalfa.

 

2) The Train journey from hell -Write a complaint letter.

train_1747726c

 

Dear Sir,

As one of your loyalist customers, I have a problem I need to get out of my chest. I would argue very strongly with the fact I deserve a full refund for my appauling journey on one of your trains recently.

Firstly, the train was over 20 minuets late, however your bone idol staff did nothing to keep customers updated; our information was illegitimate. It was damn right rude.

I altered one of your platform staff in a polite manner, but my hopes were violently squashed when he told me there was nothing he could do. I headed off to Customer Services looking for a saviour. Unfortunately ‘Dave’ was not the man.

Finally, after a delay so infuriating it might have sent me into a comma, the train arrived and I got on board. However, after only a short while, problems developed: I was forced to stand amongst middle class passengers. It was like playing human Tetris. However, it wasn’t as bad as the next carriage along; the sound of the second class carriage was intoxicating my ears with filth.

I tried to put up with the noise, but couldn’t help looking around me. There were rappers on the seats, and when I headed down to use the facilities, there was no toilet role, and boo all over the toilet. I felt as if I was in a pigsty, and not a very nice one.

Things went from bad to worse when some unsavoury characters joined the train; one drunken man even sneaked a bear on to the train. Several of the drunken men soon proceeded to run down the train and imitate then complete sexual pelvic thrusts in my direction. However, to my amazement, the staff did nothing but encourage the young men, laughing and then imitating the pelvic thrusts themselves.

190864

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, we were forced to stop for an hour due to a suspicious package being found on board. It turns out we were in Birmingham.

Eventually we arrived at our final destination. Due to being late, I arrived cold, ill and ugly which I do not appreciate. I was also late for my job interview at McDonald’s. I hope you do appreciate all your customers more in the future, particularly over aged women.

Lahore-Mcdonalds-Job-2014-Guest-Relations-Officer

I want to see a letter of complaint from your ticket man and you need to know at the end of this day I had a mind grain.

Yours faithfully,

The Young people, of England – our hope nation.

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One comment

  1. reflectivemaths · May 22

    Superb.
    I can’t even begin to imagine marking 600 ish scripts.

    I do like the bit about ‘Dave’ was not our man!

    Liked by 1 person

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